you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
