It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
