Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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