i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
