All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
