so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
