Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
