Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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