Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
