I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
