Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Be still, my beating vagina.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
