Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
