Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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