Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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