Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
