kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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