Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
