So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
