Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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