FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
