remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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