He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
