I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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