# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
