I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
