My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
