I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
