I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
