I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
