Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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