update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your cock deserves a montage
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
