I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
