you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
