I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
