He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
