She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You made out with two different species that night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
