i just had sex bonerless
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
