i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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