I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
