Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
