More tranny stories later!
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
