i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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