weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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