I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
