I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
