I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
