you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
