I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
