remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
