just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
