anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
