last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
