I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
