If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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