Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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