Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
